birthday list

ohhh.. i haven't blogged anything bout a birthday wish list after all these years that ive been blogging.. and my blog is 8 years now... ^_^ i can't believe its been that long already.. anyway, back to my topic..


my 2010 birthday wishlist:
1. my family will be happy even if we're far from each other
2. my young women will continue to strive to become the best that they can be and that they make the right choices esp during their teenage life
3. my councilors will continue to support and help me out with my calling
4. i will continue to magnify my calling, and grow & learn everyday to prepare for my future family
5. get a job
6. my parents will finally get back together
7. visit the temple ^_^ (im really excited bout this one)
8. go out of the country (hopefully this year it'll be for real)
9. finish at least halfway through my Personal Progress this year
10. finish the B.O.M.
11. wedge shoes
12. a good book/s that i can read for a month or more.. :)
13. a nice fashionable bag
14. sitti's albums / albums from artists i like ^__^
15. contact lens (haven't worn one for sooo long already)
16. get new spectacles
17. new hairstyle (me and my sister are planning to cut it real short after her PRC pictures are taken)
18. do something great or something outrageous orrr... something out of the ordinary will do ^_^ (like ride a parachute, go scuba diving, swim with the sharks, be on tv, eat something exotic) hahah
19. a week long vacation in a paradise with my friends
20. watch concerts as many as i can :)
21. be a great cook and improve my teaching skills
22. many more years to come!!! ^___^

inspired

Much of Memphis knows the story of Michael Oher, the African-American teen who grew up in an unstable one-parent home but was taken in by the white, well-to-do Tuohy family. He became a football star at Briarcrest Christian School and Ole Miss, then was drafted in April by the NFL's Baltimore Ravens.

after watching blind side last night i felt confident of being human. its amazing that people like leigh anne and the tuohy family exist in this planet at this time.. full of inequities.. it warms my heart knowing that we people can be so nice if we really wanted to.. well of course it comes with discipline and proper values and a kind heart to do what she did to michael oher. she changed his life. i like to have that effect on people i meet. that boy could have been dead had she not adopted him.

i am inspired by what she did. i wanna change someone else's life too (in a good way of course) i don't wanna die without a legacy of my own. though right now i can't think of any legacy id like to leave.. id think about that on the coming weeks starting today..
i pray that there'd be more people like her. the blind side by the way is based on a true story that is why i am so touched by it.

no wonder iv'e read so many comments on how great it was. i tried to watch it before but im just so lazy so i postponed it.. i suggest you watch it too. ^_^

the picture above is the real michael oher and the couple who adopted him.. i cant find a picture where they are complete. such great great people. these are the kind of people we should look up to.

parents..

my father visited us today.. he just stayed at the living room.. he watched tv. i just said hi and went back to my hideout, my safe place. my room. i was listening to music when i heard my mom laugh so hard. i haven't heard her laugh that much in like forever. i guess she misses my father too.. that's two of us now.. i wonder if my sisters misses him too.. hmmm.. probably yes..

id give up anything just for them to be together again. happy and loving each other. its one thing my mom admire about me. im so thoughtful she said. i dont know. maybe i am. rarely do i get compliments from my mother. i always get criticisms and she only sees my flaws.. that's a first..

i know my father cheated on her but what's wrong with wishing them to be together again? i know there's still love left in them. im not saying its alright to cheat. its not. and it will never be. but hey, they got married and have 3 lovely daughters (me included.. hehehe..) they've been together for so long and they know each other so well. why not give it another shot? i mean there's no harm in trying..

for the sake of nothing

ok.. i actually got nothing on my mind right now... i'll just blog something random..

ok let's start with the value im working on right now.. faith.. as i was watering the plants (as usual), i felt the air brush against my cheeks. i saw the leaves sway.. and then something just came up to my mind. i thought of comparing faith to air. they say

faith is to not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true..

think about this for just a moment.. do you get the similarities between air and faith? you cannot see the air around you but you can feel it.. same goes with faith.. (i can't think of any examples or more analogies right now, maybe next time.. but if you have any idea please do share it with me) :) i dont have the brain right now to elaborate on this so again maybe next time..

as i was watching tv this afternoon i saw the latest liahona issue on my mom's bed.. i haven't read the liahona for a long time. so i decided to scan a few pages. usually when i get a reading material i almost always read the back part first.. and i found the last column of the magazine interesting. it was entitled "Picturing Fatherhood" by antonio peluso.. again this made me think of my dad.. as you can see on my previous entry i miss my father..

later that afternoon around 6pm i heard someone calling my name outside our home.. it was my father. he got us some rice. he said my mother texted him that we're running out of rice so he got us some.. i just said.. ok, thanks.. and that was it.. i was thinking of telling him something he could ponder on.. maybe think of his family or something.. i wanted to tell him that he should come back but nothing came out of my mouth.. just a sigh..

im in need of a job. seriously! i am so bored and i have no one to talk to. except for our dogs and the plants. i can't go on like this. my young women are the only one that's keeping me sane right now.. help me get out of here!!!!

father & son

again it was another boring day.. i went on my day with my daily routine.. i had my brunch, watched TV, water the plants, washed the dishes, TV again, had my siesta, took a bath, listen to latest music, surf the net for updates, cook for dinner.. its a tuesday so i had my mutual with the girls.. we watched the bagobo dance - they're assigned presentation for the cultural night on june 12, planned future activities, follow-up with their personal progress and the next speaker.. and then went home..

on my way home as i was sitting absent-mindedly on the public transportation something caught my attention.. i heard a little boy's laugh. and then i turned around to see a father and son kidding with themselves.. i suddenly became jealous.. i envy that little boy for having a dad whom he can laugh with.. i miss my dad..

he visits us sometimes.. just this sunday i heard his voice.. i felt comforted.. its like i've been covered with my favorite blanket.. it felt nice and warm.. i didn't got up to see him. i was still too tired and sleepy because i was up late the night before.. when i was fully awake he was gone.. and then everything went back to normal.. it was just like a dream although it really happened it doesn't seem real to me.. not anymore..

i wish i could have my dad back. we'd do all the things we used to do. we always go to some place and he'd tell us stories.. we'd laugh our a**es off.. he's the family comedian.. i miss the nights when he'd tuck us in our beds and wrap us tightly with our blankets.. and if we can't sleep he'd tell us stories about "juan and pedro."
sometimes me and my sisters wants to hear the same story over and over again on the same night.. and with that i can just remember that he'd just suddenly snore.. our dad is asleep.. he fell asleep on our room because we want to hear more stories.. these are the memories i would forever cherish..

my father is a simple man. he's not good in english. sometimes we laugh at him because he's trying so hard to talk to us in english. in the end we just ended up with tears in our eyes, our sides hurt and we just can't stop laughing.. we love him for that.. he's not the greatest man on earth but he can surely makes us smile in the most weird situations.. like when the power is down or my mum's angry he'd just crack a joke and everything will feel lighter..

he'd done some not so good things.. he hurt my mom.. he cheated on my mom.. when i found out about it i started hating him.. i didnt talk to him for years.. just recently i started to open my mind and forgive him.. of all the pain he'd caused me and my sisters and especially to my mom.. i hope things would get better with them.. if not well we're already used to our new situation.. so it's still ok.. i guess.. but i always wanted a happy ending.. hopefully in the near future my family would be complete again.. happy and contented..

why does it have to hurt soo bad?

I wanted to run after knowing you'll never love me back but you've got me on a leash. I'm addicted to you still.

I'm mad at myself for being nice to you,for apologizing for things I didn't do,for getting close,for wasting my time,for thinking about you,talking about you,loooking at you, changing myself for you and most of all, I'm mad at myself for not hating you.When I know I should.

This sucks! Everytime I try and move on there's always something pulling me back. How am I suppose to let go of all our memories? Everything we said and did... How can I let go of the one person who's always meant the most to me? I'm always hearing your name, always having your face pop up in my mind, always seeing you when I don't want to. How can I let go of what we had? How am I suppose to believe it's for the best...

Why are you doin this to me? It's like one minute you NEED me and the next you don't KNOW me... You keep playing games with my heart, what am I suppose to do? I don't know what to do anymore... you're confusing me! I love you too much to leave you...but when I can't take anymore, I'll have to move on...

I'll wait for you as long as I can. But, when the time comes I fall for someone else, maybe it's about time to wake up and have the happiness I deserve.

sometimes we might feel like we're done with the person but we really aren't..

I dont wanna talk about it .It makes me wanna cry.Every time I pour out my emotions I feel emptier inside. I don't know how to play it like I'm not in love with you. But I'll try.. Even though I do.. still miss you just like the air that I breath..

What we had was beautiful. More beautiful than anything I've ever experienced with anyone. But you're not just "anyone" anymore, you know. I loved you, & somehow, I still do. I'll never deny it. &  maybe one day, we can get back what we had.

See right when I start letting go. Somebody wants to let me know. Can they take your place. No they can't fill your space. I tried to move on but you're not gone. Coz in my heart you still live on..

why is it when I'm not with you..things are so much harder to do?

Some people say "forget about him, there's plenty of fishes in the sea. what if you only want THAT type of fish? Is the person you're waiting for really worth it?

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right? Have you ever..

Teardrops falling from my eyes, but never too late to have realized that I've done something wrong to have hurt your feelings, which in turn have hurt mine. I love you always... now and forever and that'll never change. I'm so afraid to lose you, that's why I need some time alone, to change my mind set just to make you stay...

Should I stay or should I go?

I hate this feeling..it feels like I have to choose between life or death.

The main thing you should desire in someone else is the ability to inspire you to be all that you believe you can be..

I love you. I won't give up.

sunday thoughts..

i again was a lil bit late for sunday.. the opening hymn just started when i went inside the hall. it was fast and testimony meeting. i was thinking of bearing mine but decided against it.

i know that joseph smith is a prophet called by god to restore his church this last dispensation. many tried to question the church i belong to - its practices and teachings. i dont know why they do that but all i can say is that they teach us correct principles. how can they not get it? when i was still in youth i had nothing but a borrowed testimony. now, i can say that i really have a strong testimony of the church.
you might not understand what im talking about or the religion im in.. i just want you to try to respect my beliefs.

our SA teacher was absent so i decided to attend the gospel essential class. it was great! their topic was about repentance. there was a line from alma.. he said "... so great had been my iniquities, that the very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror." i can relate to this.. imagine if you're going to meet God today, are you ready? will you not be ashamed of the things you've done? i know im a sinner but im trying my very best to keep his commandments..
and then i learned something new from that class. our teacher said that by repenting every day and having the Lord forgive our sins, we will experience the daily process of becoming perfect. this one struck me. pwede pala tayo maging perfect through repentance. i never thought of it this way. people not of the same faith as i am take repentance lightly. maybe because its importance wasn't emphasized by their church leaders. im so grateful of the atonement of Christ. so so grateful... you might think of me as a religious kinda person.. well, deal with it. i am or rather im trying to be one.

i taught my Young Women today bout sharing work in the home. it was nice. they participated in the discussion. the lesson i gave them was impromptu because i studied the wrong lesson. i was misinformed by my counselor. anyway, i just prayed that the Spirit would be with me. and i think my prayer was answered. :)

my YW are so excited for their presentation this coming june 12. they'll be dancing the Bagobo dance at cebu for the cultural night. i gave them some good news. their fare is now taken care of by the church.. so that's why many are excited. so am i. finally a temple near me. i can just imagine how blessed the people are in cebu.

pastillas

i just got home from my Young Women activity. we made pastillas. its so easy to make and it was soo delicious!! here's the ingredients and how u make it..

u need:
ladle, mixing bowl, water cellophane/japanese paper
400 grams of powdered milk, 1 can condensed milk, sugar

first u have to pour the condensed milk and powdered milk into the mixing bowl.. mix until thick and dry. then cut the water cellophane into tiny square boxes.. put some sugar on ur paper so it wont stick and then sprinkle the sugar on top.. tadaaa!!! pastillas!! refrigerate. ^_^ as simple as that..

we had fun making it. we listened to music while mixing and talking and whatnot.. i can finally say that i can now connect with my young women.. ^_^

unexpected

i haven't been to cebu for so long already. the last time i was there was last year. i just arrived this morning. a lot of things happened while i was there.

saturday: i went to mayee's place and slept whole morning. by afternoon we had our lunch with our cousin, philander. then we had our nails done. lester arrived and brought me some boxes for my books (i have to get it from my old boarding house). mayee suggested that lester help me out.. hahaha.. that was a good decision. so lester helped me pack my books and carried it to my friend's place. agenda #1 done!

sunday: i visited my mandaue 1st family. i missed them so much. they invited me for lunch. i saw two old friends of mine. rio and jay - they are now together :) which is good but their relationship is against all odds.

i volunteered to encode the stake primary calendar of activities. i saw my x-bf's dad. i was caught off guard when i saw him and i can see that he too was surprised to see me. so we exchanged our hi-hellos. we had a lil chitchat. he congratulated me for passing the nursing board. and then i got back to encoding the calendar of activities. when i went out to visit the ladies room i spotted sister sy. we again had a lil chitchat. and then i saw a familiar silhouette. i can't see clearly coz i didn't have my glasses on. and then i heard her voice. she shouted my name in a soft excited manner.. 'kristelle!!!! kamusta ka na?' yes, it was my x-bf's mom. and then she came over me and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. she said she misses me at their home. because back then i visit their place every once in a while. either for lunch, dinner, fhe, or just hanging out. i missed her too.. sooo much.. again we had a short conversation because she's still attending a meeting.

so i get back to encoding. printed it. and went to mingle with the mandaue single adults. and then we heard a knock on the door. it was sis. heidi. she told me to go have a talk with her. and then just found out that she's going to the sacrament hall, which is full of relief society from pajo ward (again my x-bf's ward) and then i saw sister uy. she asked me to sit beside her. and then it begun. i was interrogated by everyone. they shared their opinions. i was surprised by how much they liked me. i thought they find me 'suplada' or something. i learned lots of new things because of sis. uy. here's our conversation...

sis. uy: ano ba kasi talaga nangyari sa inyo?
me: hmm.. di ko po alam e.. (ngiti kunwari.. para di obvious na nasasaktan)
sis. heidi: onga. ano ba nangyari? nagkaiba lang naman ung plans niyo. pwede naman pag-usapan un. ngayon may gf na siya. im sure wala sa plano niya un.
sis uy: ewan ko ba sa anak ko. pinagsabihan ko nga siya.
sis. heidi: (lookin at me) wala ka namang kasalanan sa kanya. hindi lang talaga kayo nagkasundo sa mga plano.
sis uy: oo, mabait yan si kristelle.
me: (trying to change the topic) sis. uy, gusto ko po magtanong bout sa macau. san po kayo nakakuha ng murang ticket?
sis. uy: ay punta ka sa philippineairlines.com...
sis. heidi: o di kaya try mo din ungcebu pacific..
sis. uy: sama ka na lang samin!
me: ai ok lang po. baka pupunta din kami ni mama dun e.
sis heidi: sige na!! sama ka na sa kanila!! bonding kayo! future mother-in-law mo na yan e. gustong gusto ka nila.
sis uy and everyone in the sacrament hall: hahahahaha.. (nag tawanan sila lahat. and then i realized na nakikinig pala lahat sa pinag uusapan namin.)
sis uy: pano mo nga pala nalaman na pupunta kami ng macau?
me: kasi sabi po sakin ni jared nung nag congratulate xa sakin nung pumasa ako. (sister uy tinignan c sis heidi at nakasmile)
sis heidi: so alam niya pala updates sayo. meaning interesado pa rin siya.
sis uy: (trying to hide a smile)
me: hmmm.. ewan ko po dun.. may gf naman siya..
sis uy: ikaw ung gusto namin eh..
sis uy: kristelle, binigay ba jared ung sitti na tickets sau?
me: hindi po.
sis uy: ganun? akala ko bibigay niya sau kasi alam ko gusto mo si sitti..
me: hmmm.. ok..
sis uy: (stood up and addressed everyone in the hall) diba gusto niyo magkabalikan sila ng anak ko?
everyone: OO! sabay ngiti
sis duero: oo. di natin alam ang panahon.. baka may 2nd chance pa kayo.. tignan mo si sis. heidi di niya inakala na sila pala ni pres. fajardo magkakatuluyan.. may chance pa yan.
sis heidi: oo nga naman. pero alam ko hurting ka pa ngayon.. (talking to sis uy) hurting pa rin siya ngayon noh?
sis uy: oo..
me: hmmm...

bro. uy entered the hall.. boy was i glad.. i can't stand it any longer.. i was teary eyed but i concealed it so that they won't notice. he waved at me and said hi..

sis uy: o kristelle sama ka sa bahay ngayon.. dun tayo dinner..
me: ok lang po sis uy.. sabay po kami ni mayee mag dinner ngayon e..
sis uy: ahh.. cge2.. una na muna kami sayo ha.. and then she gave me a comforting smile which reminded me of my past..
me: cge po..

after that gruesome interrogation i was not myself.. i kept on reminiscing the old times.. i wasn't focused with the fireside.. i can barely hear them.. i was lost in my thoughts.. flashbacks..


monday: i went to visit my alma matter, cdu, to get my oath certificate. then i went to sm. kuya roy introduced me to his friend. daniel perez. we went bowling, had dinner and visited top.. the view was great.. i have always love anything that is overlooking.. unexpextedly for me it sort of became a group date. i thought he was just going to introduce me and have a lil talk and then we're done. but no. they had a plan.. oh well.. i can't do anything about it anymore.. i had fun.. but the guy wasn't my type.. he was nice but im just not into him..

tuesday: i transferred to lor's place. im staying there for the night. we went to prc and processed our PNA papers.. went back to lor's place and watched 'silence of the lambs' it was a good watch.. we had dinner together and unexpectedly decided to go watch a tagalog movie.. i miss you like crazy.. after dinner we went directly to ayala. luckily for us. we got there just right on time.. the movie made me cry so hard.. it was like my story.. i was mia and he was allan.. and everything falls into place.. sigh....

wednesday: started my day early. went to prc. i was so happy to find out that it'll just be quick because we already started processing the previous day only to find out that they need a 2010 cedula.. dannggg!! so instead of me smiling i found myself frowning.. i have to get a new cedula at the city hall and back to prc.. so hot outside.. tsktsk.. anyway, i finished before lunch.. but i was pissed because i could've finished in less than an hour.. got a pretty decent rating during the board exam.. ^_^

in the afternoon we went to ayala and bought myself some beauty supplies.. loreal is my bff :) window shopping, dinner at mcdo and then back home.. i was running low on cash.. glad my charm worked with the ship's crew. i didnt have to pay for a porter.. hahaha... thank u kind young men.. i will forever be in debt.. :) sis. dela cruz sent me a txt msg telling me that she's on board and that its her first time to leyte. so i went to her cot and we had a lil chat. she asked me if i could help her with her travel going to tacloban. so i volunteered to be her guide even just for a few minutes. i always have a hard time falling asleep on anything that's moving.. so.. i called a friend of mine and we talked until the signal is almost out.. it helped me sleep..

and when i woke up im already in ormoc.. :) so many unexpected things happened while i was in cebu.. some good.. some bad..