rest day blues

 its February and im posting something i wrote on December 31, 2012. i know its late but i got nothing else to do but think. i think about my life goals. i wrote 2 different sets of goals. one for my spiritual goals and the other for my temporal goals..

let's start with my temporal goals.. i already ruined my first goal. i was already late twice this year. im still on the process of becoming the best nurse. running is just something i do to keep my body fit and its my form of stress relief. i get to clear my head whenever i run. going to Canada is something i have been working on for months now. but right now Canada seems so far away. i don't even know if im really gonna get there. new year at new york is just something i want to achieve. just like how i want to see the terraces in northern Luzon.

reading D&C is taking its time. im still stuck in section 18.  paying tithes is right on track and so is my fast offering. being early for church is just my weakness.. but i really want to go to church. i love the feeling i get whenever im there. getting married in the temple is just something i wrote out of habit. i know its not gonna happen this year. no guy is crazy enough to marry me. and besides my sister is going down the aisle this year. working on my genealogy is something i felt i need to do. working with the missionaries is a calling i was given this year. so i have decided not to go on a full-time mission. working with the sisters is probably the closest thing i can do to help..

random entry.. 

every once in a while i allow myself to break down. and today is one of them. when putting up a happy face is just too much. when you feel the need to keep everyone happy and satisfied. sacrificing my happiness is probably a characteristic i don't want to have but im cursed with it and i have that tendency to be mindful of the feelings of others even if i end up hurting myself. i was told many times im too nice. i don't know. i probably am. i am always silent whenever i feel bad about something. as much as i want to just be like everyone else and let everyone know about my anger and disappointments, i just don't have it in me. this blog(and my pillows too) is probably the only witness to my pains. a big SIGH is the only thing i can manage. 

Pres. Uchtdorf's talk is the only comfort i find.. read here

its funny how im such an extroverted person yet i want to keep my privacy. how im so loquacious yet i can't find my voice when im mad. how i see myself as a strong woman yet i feel so weak. oh the facade we show people is just so ironic on who we truly are!

83 and tired

Repost

Bill Cosby "I'm 83 and Tired"

I'm 83. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my NationalService, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious
health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly
40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my
income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as
though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who
don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take
the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy
to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I
can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and
daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight
offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't
"believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning
teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the
genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and
Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let
Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques
and Madrasa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia , New Zealand ,
UK, America and Canada , while no one from these countries are allowed to
fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other
Arab country to teach love and tolerance..

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global
warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help
support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ
rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses
or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all
parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful
mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting
caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and
actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination
or big-whatever for their problems.

I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and
early 20's be-deck them selves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making
themselves unemployable and claiming money from the Government.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 83.. Because, mostly, I'm not
going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for
my granddaughter and their children. Thank God I'm on the way out and not
on the way in.

- i dont agree to everything he just said but i like his point of view...