salt

i went to church today. i haven't been attending church regularly for the past 2 years due to my work location. i live in an island. and i finally decided to pass my resignation last may 2nd due to a boss i can't work with anymore. long story. everybody thinks i resigned because i'm going abroad. it wasn't the main reason. it just so happened that right after i passed my resignation, my agent called and told me that my passport is being requested for visa stamping. pure coincidence.

anyway... so yes, i attended sacrament meeting, joined Sunday school since i don't want to join the SA class because everyone there is younger than i am, including the teacher who was my student before. and lastly attended the relief society class.

interesting topic during Sunday school which is about supporting our government officials. very timely as the elections just concluded Rodrigo Duterte as the 16th president of the Philippines. everyone was eager to throw in their 2 cents during the class.

Relief society tackled about charity and there was a moment when the teacher asked me my thoughts about how to become a salt?

 39 When men are called unto mine everlasting gospel, and covenant with an everlasting covenant, they are accounted as the salt of the earth and the savor of men;
 40 They are called to be the savor of men; therefore, if that salt of the earth lose its savor, behold, it is thenceforth good for nothing only to be cast out and trodden under the feet of men.

i did not say a word. typically im quite during class. i rarely share my thoughts unless encouraged. but since not being able to go to church for so long, i was in silent mode. i turned my head from left to right. so what are my thoughts about it? well i guess its just very self explanatory. i easily understand things, im just not good at explaining it especially in a crowd. i don't have the gift of tongues.

i really stopped being a salt while i was living in the island. i was much more pious when i was a nurse since i go to church regularly. when i moved to the island, my spirituality went downhill. i developed something else though but it was more on my temporal growth. there were a couple of times wherein i wished i can go talk to someone with the same values but there's no one. all my church friends are married including my 2 sisters and they are all busy with their families. and i don't have a boyfriend i can talk to about those kind of things who will understand my frustrations. im just glad that with those 2 years i still managed to follow the word of wisdom even if EVERYONE around me is not following the same conduct. thank goodness i was raised well by a strict mom. i realized earlier how lucky the people are who are close to chapels and is able to attend church every Sunday. i now understand how strong the temptations are when you're far from church. my integrity was tested countless number of times. whew!

anyway... i hope i can become a salt of the earth once again now that im back to the real world. for me being a salt means changing lives of others for the better. making the burden of others lighter, becoming an inspiration, a friend to cry on, etc. basically improving the way people live and cope with our everyday struggles.

killing monotony

i am back in ormoc to relax and wait for my passport to find its way back to me.. it has been 3 weeks and its not back yet. i was informed that it'll just take 2weeks and ill get it back.. now they're telling me its gonna take 4weeks. tsktsk.. im starting to get worried because i don't wanna be idle for a long time. in case you're wondering what im talking about its my passport having a Canadian Visa in it when it gets back to me. I have been working on it for the longest time. There were many times that i just gave up on going there but i have no choice. I feel like there's nothing for me here in the Philippines. no reason for me to stay.

i already quit my job at the island paradise of Sumilon. i have built strong friendships there. Friends i think i'll keep for the rest of my life.

so i met someone. not just anyone. someone i can totally relate to. he might be someone important in my life. details id like to keep on my personal journal. its moments like that i would want to keep a record of. but!! wrong timing! im leaving the country pretty soon! bummer! what luck.

off i go to sleep. i still have a month to laze around. i have been working really hard for the past 6 years. a break is what i need.

Forgotten

Oh boy did i forgot about this blog!!!

I am still doing the island living. It has been a great journey here. I think I will just finish this until i get to work exactly 2 years (May 12) I have learned a lot here! a LOT!

I haven't had the time to write anything in this blog for 2015. i really love to write despite of me not having a talent for writing. This is more of an emotional outlet than a blog to be read by others. Nevertheless i don't mind if strangers get to read my sometimes nonsense posts.

I have completely changed here (career wise). I became a workaholic. For someone like me, who wants to always have a vacation, that is a big change. I put my heart and soul in my job and i forgot about everything else. Notice how i don't have a single entry for 2015. Now that i can sort of kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel I tend to take photos of the memories i want to keep. I have been taking pictures of my Island family. I'm not sure though where I will be headed next, if Canada is still a no-show, I will go and check for some new job. Probably in a city that is not too crowded.

I have been greatly blessed. My family has grown and I LOVE each and every single one of them. (insert family photo here)

I am going to turn 28 this year! How time flies. Sometimes i still feel like a college girl trying to take in everything independence has to offer. Today i was at church. It has been a long time since i went to church. I have been trying to understand a good friend of mine why he chose to leave the church. I made a  little experiment of mine and voluntarily decided  to not go to church for about a year or so. I probably visited the church maybe twice/thrice for 2015. I didn't feel a thing but every time I'm at church I think of my friend. I didn't ask too many questions as to why he made that decision, I always think that he is wise enough to figure everything out by himself.

Today I decided to go to church again. This time its different. I felt something. I felt something i miss so bad. The feeling of being at peace. I didn't mind the members who are strangers to me. I was there for myself. I listened to the speakers, attended Single Adult class and Relief Society class. I didn't care about the faults of the members around me and their weaknesses. I'm not there for them, again I was there for myself. For a long time I sat at a corner taking everything in. And slowly i smiled to myself. I'm happy here. The lessons and values taught at church is something I still accept. And to have a god who gives great value on families, teaches about being good and mindful of the needs of others, and to stand up to a society who have greatly become too full of themselves, that is a god id like to follow. even if i get labeled as old-fashioned, have some restrictions (i haven't really felt being restricted) or being ridiculed simply because i don't give in to what society has set as a norm.

I still hope and pray that my good friend will find his way back, I can't do it for him. I hope he has not yet completely forgotten all the things he has learned while he was at church. There's a whole world out there full of wickedness and the church has always been my refuge. I just wish that he will end up HAPPY and successful of whatever path he chooses. A soul like his will be a great loss. I hope not.

Ginugulo pa rin ng konsensya

Ang nararamdaman ko’y kakaiba

Hindi ko lubos mapagtanto

Na nagawa ko ang mga ito

Nasaktan kita, alam ko

Nasaktan ko siya, sigurado

Dumugo ang puso mo

Dahil sa kalokohang ito

Hindi ko sinasadya, malamang

Nagmukha akong timang

Nagalit ka pa din

Tumakbo ako ng matulin

Patawad, patawad kaibigan

Sa pagkakamaling nasilayan

Ako’y tao lamang

Kasamaa’y may puwang

Malamang ay hindi mo na iniisip

Pero binubulabog ako sa aking panaginip

Hindi ako mabuhay ng maayos

Dahil may kasalanan ako sayo’t sa Diyos

Nawa’y maintindihan mo lahat

Na ito man ay hindi sapat

Malaki akong hangal

Kaya’y handa akong sumugal

Patawad sa’yo kaibigan

Pati sa aking mga nasaktan

Alam kong hindi talaga tama

Wag kang mag-alala, ako’y lumuluha

With this poem entitled "Patawad" I felt like he is talking to me eight years in advance. sniff...