friday morning music and thoughts

"on my own"

On my own
Pretending he's beside me

All alone
I walk with him 'til morning

Without him, I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way,
I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain

The pavement shines like silver

All the lights are misty in the river

In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight

And all I see is him and me forever and forever


And I know it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

the song above is from les miserable and its exactly how i am right now... 
below is another song from les miserable but its lacking a few parts..

'i dreamed a dream'




He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So much different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.


the 2 videos below are from the phantom of the opera

all i ask of you
if i can only have my raoul... anywhere you go let me go to...
love me that's all i ask of you...

think of me
there will never be a day when i won't think of you...


i've been thinking a lot of my future husband. i wonder where he is, or what he's doing or what he's like... is he seeing another girl? i have so much to tell him! i wish he'd just pop right in front of me right now and hold my hand and tell me that everything's gonna be alright. like how raoul said to christine in the song "all i ask of you" if only its that easy.

im old enough and mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally ready to get married. but i have no one. i feel so alone. i know i have to wait for the love story that God has prepared for me but its taking too long.

these thoughts are something im afraid to entertain in my cluttered mind especially on a friday morning with the holiday season that's just around the corner.. cold christmas.. uugghh.. i dont even wanna go there.. but with all this music and lyrics i can't help but think of him(future husband)... am i really thinking right? because sometimes, i live inside my head for so long i forgot what it's like to go out. or are these thoughts  just a by-product of extreme boredom?

but on second thought i wonder if someone would ever want to fall in love with someone like me.  if you are going to fall in love with me, its only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

you are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. you are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to be loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be clingy. you fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how im a hopeless romantic at heart. if you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

but... you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when im with you, the way i'll text you in the mornings just telling you i hope you have a great day. you're falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things i say, and the way i blush when people ask me about you. but to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

pink ribbon

this song is dedicated to those who have a wife, mother, sister, friend who has cancer

last Thursday (11-8-12) i went to SM to meet with my mom. She's been in Cebu for 3 days but i haven't been able to meet up with her because of work. She visits Cebu every other week to purchase some drugs for the pharmacy and to have her check-up. She's still fighting with cancer until now. it has been tough for her. i remember 2 years ago (2010) i have been looking for a job but i can't find any. i passed an application letter to 5 different hospitals. I didn't receive any call back. so i went back to Ormoc to have a break. i just passed the board exam and a break sounds really good. Then we found out that mom has breast cancer. at first we didn't know how to react. i went with her back to Cebu to have a 2nd opinion even 3rd.. it was positive.

Cancer runs in my mom's family. my grandmother died of cervical cancer. they were too poor to afford all those expensive treatments and medications so lola marcela died without treatment. mom has 3 brothers and 3 sisters and she was the youngest. 2 of her sisters had undergone mastectomy. and she was next. she was very afraid. i was with her when the doctor confirmed that its cancer and that she has to go under the knife to remove the affected part. she cried. i cried. for a woman to lose something that differentiates us from men was hard, to lose something that has fed all her 3 children and was important for her as a mother was hard, to lose something that has been a part of her womanhood was hard. IT WAS HARD. she has many options but she chose to have it removed. so, before we "checked-in" at the hospital i took her to a spa. father came along. all 3 of us chose to have whole body massage, facial, and foot spa. i chose a spa close to Chong Hua so after the spa treatment we just crossed a street to admit my mom at the hospital.

father and i took care of her while she stayed there for about a week or so. then after the operation we went back and father went back to his own house. i was left alone with mom. My elder sister is working out of the country. my younger sister was in manila to work in st. luke's, the country's number 1 hospital, as a pharmacist. at that time my parents live separately. we didn't have house help coz we can't find one. then it dawned on me that it was just me and mom. post-operatively i did everything for her. i prepared our meals, run the business, do errands for her, do groceries, clean the house, feed the dogs, water the plants, take care of her, buy her meds(i still do this until now) and everything you can think of. i realized that there was a reason why i didn't get a job right after i passed the licensure exam. i was the one who's gonna take care of her. it was one of the most fulfilling task i did for mom. after all her sacrifices for us, what i did was just nothing compared to how much she has done for us. a few months after, i received a call from one of the hospitals i applied in to, then after that i received another message from another hospital. since mom was feeling better and stronger i decided to take the job. but before i did that i asked my father to go back home and look after my mom. after all he is still her husband. fortunately he said yes, and i convinced mom to say yes since she can't do much when she's alone. we still can't find house help. everything happens for a reason. it was another reason why i didn't get that job right away. because of that father is still staying home up to this very day.. with mom... :)

 I see my mother kneeling with our family each day.I hear the words she whispers as she bows her head to pray.Her plea to the Father quiets all my fears,And I am thankful love is spoken here.

so, back to the present. we were having halo-halo in Ice Castle at SM when she mentioned something about a sacrifice she did way back when we were kids. we were talking about debts and the US and their debts and how i don't like to have a debt or enter into a debt. she agrees with me and then she told me this story.

there was a time when she was really short of money and i was sick and she didn't know where to get some money to buy my medications. i was so young back then and mayee was still a baby. since she doesn't want to have any debt she decided to pawn her ring (the only ring she has) and buy me some medicine. that very same day was her birthday. she didn't have much left for any food all she can afford was a can of sardines. SARDINES! for her birthday! my grandpa was in manila that time and my father has no job. no one can really help her.

i cried when i heard that story about her sacrifice for me. she cried reminiscing the past. how hard life was back then. i am so grateful to have her despite all her craziness. she's my mom and i love her so very much. she's happy that life is better now financially. that she can afford to buy us everything we need and that she can afford to get some treatment for her cancer. she's still taking oral chemotherapeutic drugs (the one i buy every month and send to her via LBC). she's gonna be under it for 5 years.

and then she told me that she has another problem. osteoporosis. her bones are getting weak because of those drugs. and that she has too many maintenance drugs to take, its making her weak and its getting very expensive. i told her id be willing to pawn my ring for her to get those medications she needed. :) she just laughed teary eyed..

this is not for you to read. you will never understand.

i've been wanting to write something up in here. mostly about the recent general conference. all of my notes are in my planner.

1. the blessing of an opportunity to help/bless another - answer to another person's prayer
2. conversion is not a one time event. it is a life-long quest
3. Kristelle, do you love me? - serve, keep His commandments, (yea Lord thou knowest that I love thee.)
4. my father in heaven expects my loyalty to his commandments in every stage of my life
5. if the Savior stood beside me, will i do the things i do?

the idea of going on a mission was all up in my head that morning. again. i thought about my father about becoming a member of the church. ithought about my love for my savior. how i put him down so many times yet i still feel his love. in the end im very grateful of the many blessings i receive each day. how my life has been blessed even when at times of weakness..

after the conference i stayed outside with kent's baby to get some fresh air. and i saw her face. she saw me and smiled. i smiled back. she came over me gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then sat beside me.. we talked.. and talked.. and talked some more... i was invited to their home. i declined. i miss her... i felt her love for me...

9-20-12

i haven't been to church for 3 Sundays now because of work. and my temple recommend expired a month ago. i have spent my time mostly on work and studies and running around the city trying to comply all the requirements i needed for my immigration. yesterday, i get to tour the temple again together with ann and louise. berryl didn't make it because she's too sick to get up.

got there around 6pm and immediately looked for the room where the video presentation is going to be given. i was in a hurry because i was running late and we have a class by 6:30. the video was presented by elders then we went outside to officially start with 2 sister missionaries as our guide. both of them were called sister hansen. the pace of the tour was slow. we were few on the group were in so its good. not too much noise. i looked at my watch, it was already 6:45 and were still outside the temple. it was longer than i expected. i listened to their explanations, i looked around the area and saw a lot of missionaries, looked up angel moroni's statue up above the top.. and then i was lost in my own thoughts.. i focused on the thought of the missionaries. the work they're doing, the countenance they exude which is almost tangible, the smiles, the handshakes, the knowledge they possess, the confidence, the sincerity in their eyes.. and in between those thoughts i didn't really care whether id miss my french class or not. i know i was already late. i didn't mind. i needed this. i felt it. that feeling i get every time i know something great is about to happen. should i heed this feeling? until today im still wondering about it...

i have always wondered how it feels like to be a missionary. i mean i grew up with them always visiting our home. my mother always invite them over for dinner and we treat them as family. i wasn't encouraged to go on a mission but i have always thought about it. and mom would always tell me to just make sure i marry an RM. i guess that means no.

its been a few days now since i had that thought. i told 4 people about it. people who i trust and are very close to me. i value their opinion. they have different reactions but all 4 said its all up to me..

-still thinking about it-

but one thing is for sure i would like to have what those missionaries have... one day i will... im just not sure at what age...

im better than that

riiiinnngg!!! riiinnngg!!! i looked up who's calling me. uuggghhh.. its from work. i ignored the call. riiiiinnnggg!!! riiinngg!!! its calling me again. what could they possibly want from me? they know i just got off from graveyard shift and they're waking me up at 9:30am in the morning. i was just 2 hours in my sleep.

our receptionist is on the other line telling me that the senior lab scientist won't run the tests from the blood i extracted earlier. i told her that it was settled already. the senior called me at around 7:30am about it and she said its okay. and then i found out that she changed her mind and that she wanted me to go back to the hospital and label the tube. i asked the receptionist if the nurses on duty could do that for me and then she replied that no one is willing to do it. i was mad. i know i made a mistake but knowing that your "friends" won't do something so simple disappointed me. im willing to do such things for them. obviously they wouldn't do the same. so i was brainstorming about it. i could either choose to ignore it and go back to my sleep or i could fix it by going back to the hospital.

i was really mad. i've never been that mad about work before. i learned that i can't really expect from everyone what i expect of myself. we are way too different. especially from the nurses whom i considered good friends.

but as i think about it i realized that being mad won't solve the problem. it would just worsen it. so i got up. changed clothes. went back to hospital to put a label on that tube only to find out that it was already labeled with the correct name but they erased it. i was burning with anger deep down but i kept my cool and did what they wanted me to do.

going back home i thought about what just happened. and i found out that the good part of me is still the master of my soul. i was thankful. knowing that i could just blow my fuse and lash out on everyone i chose to do what's right even though i was disappointed with the people i work with. they know they can just do it for me. it wont even take a minute of their time. actually they already did (they changed their minds and erased it) yet they still chose to wake me up in the middle of my sleep.

sometimes people are so insensitive or are just too proud to do something for other people. haaaay... i can't let them ruin my Sunday. anyway, its over and done. i just wanted to write about it so that i can forget it.

idk what to tell them... they didn't bother to ask..

i have been asked a lot of times about my beliefs since my elementary years. i have my answers ready and when i can't answer i just refer them to missionaries... but just recently i was sitting at the blood bank area watching history channel with some of my workmates because we weren't busy. a short segment was featured. it was entitled "10 things you don't know about mormons" as i sat there listening to all those things my jaw dropped. i didn't know all of those things myself. it was all negative things. the show ended. my workmates, knowing that i am an LDS, didn't say a word. but i know from the looks on their faces they all have their minds made up. each went out of the room silently until i sat there alone. thinking.. contemplating on things. i was caught off guard.

those things may be true but i have my testimony. people are not perfect. members of the church aren't either. we just try our best to be the best that we can be. all they featured was in the past. i can give them a list of "100 good things you don't know about the mormons" it was just so one-sided. im not worried about my own faith. im worried of what my workmates think about my religion. until now i can't stop thinking about it. i still don't know how to react if ever that same situation happens again...

put on hold

approaching the marcelo fernan bridge and i was inside the van with wondering thoughts... as i was staring at cebu city with the many ports on both sides, squatters area on the other end of the bridge, the many buildings that i ignore and that palatial looking casino and behind it is the building that i always look for every time i pass the bridge.. there it was.. the gleaming gold statue atop a sacred building and the mountains as the background.. i can't help but think of my life.. im 24 years old and have a life ahead of me.. as i recounted the past i realized i have been staying on the right track. sure every now and then i have a few mishaps but i always get back on track. so far i have done the things im supposed to do. all throughout my life i have been trying to become a good citizen, i finished high school and already got a bachelor's degree at some university. got a job at a medical facility.. and i said to myself "now what?" now its time to live life to the fullest.. but how am i gonna do that?

i am currently working on the requirements for my immigration plans. plans and the future.. i pondered on those two words.. i am someone who has a lot of dreams and plans and i work on those plans to make those dreams come true.. but as i go deeper to those thoughts i realized that all those dreams and plans are going to be put on hold unless... unless... i have a partner.. weird as it may sound but i needed that to start my life. people have different priorities in life.. people my age (outside the church) are usually not thinking about those kind of things. they don't want to think of those things until they're like 30 or something.. or when their careers are at its peak.. im sure they have their reasons but i have been taught and raised differently thus i think like this.. all those plans are good for nothing if i don't have that first.  i mean i can't start my life without that.. not that im not living it its just incomplete..

i can live in a different country and do all the things i ever wanted to do.. but that wouldn't change anything. i would still think the same. i don't know if its just me being histrionic or if this is what im really thinking.. maybe both.. it is slowly becoming a dilemma.. you might think im brainwashed or something.. not really.. i have a perfect knowledge of most things.. not everything but you know what i mean..

this might sound crazy to you but i have different beliefs so don't judge.. i have my reasons why i feel this way...

birthday blues..

Someone just asked me how I celebrated my birthday. I don't feel like answering because i didn't do anything fun. i just had a lot to eat.

March 31st - i just had a great dinner with my sister and mom at MESA - Filipino Moderne
We had ginataang pinakbet, stuffed giant squid and my latest favorite drunken ostrich. everything tasted really good especially the ostrich. well anything that has butter and garlic would really taste great.. it was my first time to try ostrich meat...

April 1st (my actual birthday) - i had dinner again with mom and sister but this time my aunt and uncle were present. we went to Majestic and had a lot of food. i took home the leftovers and jacqueline and i feasted on it the next day.

April 2nd - first day of my IELTS review. had dinner again with sister minus mom.. plus bro-in-law and his mom. had dinner at lighthouse. seafoods galore.. pinaputok na lambay was great... tuna was fresh. and sinigang is one of my all time favorite.

so that's it. i just had some really good food for 3 nights. nothing more. i usually am excited when its my birthday but this time its different. i just don't feel like celebrating. im not even excited about it. i just thanked my Father in heaven for the 24 years I've been given to enjoy life on earth and the many wonderful creations and amazing people around me.. but still this birthday was no fun at all. I usually spend my day at the beach ever since i was 4 years old and a lot of people would celebrate it with me.. this year has been really different... the missing piece is still missing... as i grow older my need for that missing piece grow stronger... i don't know if its my age or the people asking me all about it or my mom being so worried about it... i just wish id find it so that everyone would shut up and i'd feel secure...

someone told me that i would enjoy life when I'm older. i hope its true. i asked myself what have i done for the past 24 years of my existence... i just pondered on it.. i don't wanna write about it.. ponder it for yourself...

slowing down on fasting...

i can't remember the last time i tried to fast and pray.. what i can remember are my attempts at fasting... my college days seems so distant.. all throughout those years i have never missed a Sunday to fast and pray. and pay my fast offering.. i have been blessed well. i graduated college without failing at any subject. Spanish did give me a lil scare though.. i was hanging by the thread.. lol.. i passed the nursing licensure exam. i had good health. etc.

i don't know how i did that. how i was able to not eat for 24 hours and not feel hungry. i do that once a month every 1st Sunday. and when i miss the first Sunday i do it the next.. i did 4 years of fasting and then it just vanished. i stopped. i don't know what made me stop.

i can remember how other SAs(in my former ward) found out that i fast every 1st Sunday. they were shocked. and i asked them "why?" they told me that they just fast whenever they needed something really bad. in my head i said i need a lot of things. i need to pass the board exam. i need help to keep myself sane and not do stupid things like do drugs or get pregnant. i need to have my family complete again.. i need to become an example to my other friends who are not of the same faith.

just recently the ball started rolling when my mom said yes to my long time question (if i can go and migrate to Canada) so this week im going to visit the agencies i plan on working with for the next couple of months who can assist me with my visa. and meet mother and talk to her about the specifics of my plan. there is one thing im not quite sure yet though. whether i'd go for student visa or have an immigrant visa. there are just some things i can't tell you right now why im having a difficult time deciding on things. there are people im gonna leave behind. i don't wanna be away from them yet i wanted to have a better future for myself and my "future family"

and so i decided to fast and pray.. and i did. and i found out that as much as i was concerned about what to choose things started flooding up my brain. and i started thinking of the things i forgot. i was reminded of how i should be. what my previous goals are. my secret goals. my "if onlys" it became clear that i missed out on a lot of things. spiritually. i can't even remember the last time fasted. or the last time i read my BOM. today i read it and i read something about repentance.

so after i finished reading a few chapters. i closed my book. got on my knees beside my bed and prayed. like a serious prayer. the kind of prayer that would bring you to tears because you've been so (not wicked) but too relaxed on things that really matter. i sin easily. i take simple church guidelines lightly. i used to be so... righteous.

i just feel so bad right now. and the thoughts of going to Canada vanished - the reason why i even fasted. i focused more on myself. the things that made me who i am. i allow people to influence me in a not so nice way. i talk differently. although i told myself that im not like the rest of "them" im slowly, unknowingly becoming like them. i surrounded myself with people who doesn't inspire me to do good things.

last week i had the chance of doing volunteer work for the victims of the earthquake in Negros. i felt so good. i felt the same feeling i felt today. and i like it. i missed it. i forgot how good it feels to do good things for others. how good it feels if you get to obey the commandments.

how was your day?

i woke up at around 8am. its my day off. the weather is gloomy. perfect. i said to myself this is great because i almost always have less than 6hours of sleep. i opened the fridge and drank soya milk (my favorite) coz i was feeling thirsty. i went back to bed and slept. woke up at around 10am. feeling more energized i got up and washed my uniform. i turned the music up as i always do. it makes the washing more bearable. as i was about finished something weird happened. i thought it was my eyes playing tricks on me again. but no it was different. i felt the ground shook for a few seconds. the the things around me were moving. and then i quickly realized that there's an earthquake.  i normally don't get alarmed when there's an earthquake since i grow up in an area where earthquakes are common. well not that common but we have it every once in a while. as far as i can remember i haven't experienced earthquakes here in cebu ever since i started college. that was 2005.  

i just stood there sitting. staring at my clothes hanging. moving. waiting for it to stop. but it didn't. it lasted longer than i expected. so before it was finished i went outside. holding on to things because it was kinda strong. i saw the light post was still shaking when i went out. and slowly everyone was going out of their homes. and then it stopped. 

i checked the internet for updates. i had a chat with my younger sister. told her about what just happened. she said they had an earthquake too. i just told her how silly i look when i went out of my house. soapy hands, short shorts, messy hair, i don't even have a bra on. hahaha.. i was laughing at myself when i realized how i look. it was no big deal. until i read somewhere that tsunami alert is at level 2. and after a few minutes it was raised to level 3. i got scared a little. im not afraid of earthquakes. but the thought of  tsunami brings horrible pictures up in my head. 

i took a bath. gathered my soiled clothes and dropped them off at the laundry shop. then i went to the hospital to meet up with my landlady to pay rent. then i heard their stories. how the earthquake started and someone shouted earthquake! and then the power went out. back-up generators turned the lights back on. they went out. the parked cars were moving. and then 3 people were in the emergency room hyperventilating. and another one was rushed  to the ER. bed12. but didn't make it. the relative that was with him said the patient had an attack right after the earthquake. 

i got a couple of phone calls from my mom. she was worried sick because she had a hard time contacting me. she wants me to get out of Lapu-Lapu because its a small island. but i told her that the bridge is packed with people and i told her i'll just take ferry boat but then she said no!... and then she called again telling me to just stay in the hospital since water is rising in some parts of cebu. but im not the most obedient daughter. 

after i paid my rent. jacqueline and i decided to get our nails done. we weren't really affected that much about the news. i don't know why people were all in panic mode. probably because of what happened to japan and the things they saw on TV. how the tsunami washed everything that would stand on its way. we went to grandmall but it was closed. we looked for other salons. everyone put the closed sign on. finally on our 4th salon hunt it was open. 

after i was done with mine, i left jacky since my friend, mellany, has been looking for me. i received several text messages from her. we were supposed to meet up somewhere to buy ingredients since we planned to have spaghetti night. and im cooking. :) i meet up with her at robinson's tamiya. and we made spaghetti. after it was cooked we decided to just put some cream and cheese on top of it and place it on the oven and bake it.

baked spaghetti for dinner. kim arrived. we talked about what happened that day. mellany had a traumatic experience since earlier that day she was at the downtown market in colon. she said everyone there was in panic mode. someone started a very exaggerated story that the water is already in the streets of plaza independencia, SRP etc. so everyone was running like a mad man. she thought at first that some riot started somewhere. then she asked someone and told her that tsunami is happening. she didn't know what to do first. she started walking briskly going uptown.  she said everyone was either crying, shouting, closing up their shops, many slippers were on the streets. it was like the end of the world. she saw one old couple who looked so tired and not doing so well. she avoided the crowd since she's afraid of stampede and she's carrying a LOT of things. luckily she got a ride on a government car. when she was inside the car she felt relieved and cried a bit. she was ready to die. she sent everyone dear to her text messages. 

kim, told us the lamps and their other different products fell on the floor right outside her door. since she's the boss she had a different room from the rest of her staff. she told us she hid under her table. 

we had a good dinner. that night we planned on making spaghetti and we were supposed to go visit Logos Hope (a ship that travels worldwide carrying books) but we cancelled the logos hope since its in pier 1. mellany was still in shock mode. so we decided to just get ourselves a massage. Nuat Thai which was right across her street was closed and so was Body and Sole. so we went to Thai Boran at Goldberry Suites. it was open! yes! i was so happy since all day i have been hurting because im having my monthly period. first day. it hurts so bad. i already took 2 pain relievers. one in the morning before the earthquake. and second was after i had my dinner. 

the pampering was really good. i got home at around 11:30pm. gave jacky some spaghetti. she was happy about it. she said it tasted good. :) and i slept. i had a really good sleep. :)

afraid of...

what im most afraid of is to fall for a guy who is not of the same faith. i have seen the outcome of marriages of two people who believes two very different things. heck, im even in one. my mom and dad's beliefs vary so much i think its one reason why they fight a lot.

me and my sisters promised to each other that we'd all get married in the temple. but that promise was broken. my sister who i admired so much. the one i look up to when i was in college. the one who broke up with a very good-looking guy (everything your looking for in a guy is in him except he wasn't a member). turned out marrying a non-member. great huh? before marrying the guy we asked her "what about your beliefs?" she said the guy is willing to learn about the church. yeah, sure he'd say that coz they're not married yet. and we're right. the guy won't even go with her. and when we ask her about how he's doing she avoids it. she told me recently she regrets her decision. but what can she do. its over and done with. i hated her for breaking our promise to each other but i felt sad for her. i wanted to lecture her, and tell her i told you so but i can see it in her eyes that she's sad. so i didn't. she's my sister and i love her so much. i don't want her to get hurt.

this is the kind of situation i don't wanna be in. i don't want to fall for a guy who doesn't believe the things i believe. that i would rationalize and sacrifice my own faith just so i can be with him. im a risk taker believe me. but doing such a thing is just something i can't afford to risk. when it comes to eternity i would rather be on the safe side than gamble and risk everything i worked hard for.

im saying this now so i will be reminded not to make decisions wherein im not willing to pay the price. my father is not a member. its all good because we got used to it. he just drives us to church. pick us up after and no conversations about him becoming a member. my father is a good man even if he doesn't believe the things  we believe. but im always wondering what if we're all members of the church. how would that feel like? would it feel good? would we be a happier family? i really don't know the answer to that yet. that's why i want to marry in the temple so i would know how it feels like to have an eternal family.

this is my note to self entry. when it involves eternity. don't risk it. others say "if its not eternal, forget it."

my 2012 goals

• explore Philippines (as the tourism tag line goes 'wag maging dayuhan sa sariling bayan)
• travel to a different country / ies :) (fingers crossed) must remember to renew my passport coz it'll expire this march...
• write an entry in my blog / journal at least once a month
• read D & C
• must not exceed 110 lbs (exercise, eat healthy)
• learn how to manage pharmacy and travel agency (will do this during my vacation leave)
• pay full tithes monthly
• no debt
• save up 60k  (avoid unnecessary expenses)
• watch only good movies in the cinema 
• mingle with other people (go out on dates)
• run a 5k marathon (thrice)
• be generous with my fast offering
• must not be late for work and for Sacrament meeting
• get to know the Savior more
• learn how to scuba dive
• never forget to PRAY day and night
• learn how to cook great tasting food :) (not just desserts)
• work out my Patriarchal blessing
• watch a Sitti concert
• join "suroy-suroy sa sugbo"
• stay simply pretty ;)

these are the things that came to mind when i decided to write my goals... hopefully fatherdear would go to church with us... its year of the dragon so its definitely my year.. but if not then i will still make it my year.. im turning 24 this year! yikes! the age i would consider walking down the aisle.. lol.. just kidding.. ;) 

dear 2012,

          im ready to be surprised. ;) 

XOXO

-kristelle-

Pay it forward

watch the video first in the link below..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU

 i saw this video last month. and the next day after i saw this one, same thing happened to me. it was december 25th 2011. i was in SM looking for Chamdor. the salesman said they ran out of that certain drink but he said its still available on SM hypermarket. It used to be MAKRO. they gave me instructions on how to get there. and so i did. i got there and bought it. said 'merry christmas' to the salesman who ran just to get me what i was looking for. went out and saw fireworks display. then waited for a jeepney to take me back to sm. no one's stopping until an empty PUV stopped and said hop on.. i did just that but i stayed at the back because i was trying to avoid any dangerous situation. but i misjudged the driver. when i was about to get some coins for my fare he told me to just keep it. he gave me a free ride. :) and when i got out i stayed on the side of the street waiting for the vehicles to slow down so i can cross the street but before i can do that someone asked me (an old lady w/ her grandson) if i have 10 pesos. without thinking i handed her a 10-peso coin. she said their money is not enough for both of them to get home. after that i was thinking of the video above. the one i saw a day before this thing happened. weird huh? but its nice because it proves that these kind of things really do happen. i wonder what the lady did after i gave her that 10-peso coin...