afraid of...

what im most afraid of is to fall for a guy who is not of the same faith. i have seen the outcome of marriages of two people who believes two very different things. heck, im even in one. my mom and dad's beliefs vary so much i think its one reason why they fight a lot.

me and my sisters promised to each other that we'd all get married in the temple. but that promise was broken. my sister who i admired so much. the one i look up to when i was in college. the one who broke up with a very good-looking guy (everything your looking for in a guy is in him except he wasn't a member). turned out marrying a non-member. great huh? before marrying the guy we asked her "what about your beliefs?" she said the guy is willing to learn about the church. yeah, sure he'd say that coz they're not married yet. and we're right. the guy won't even go with her. and when we ask her about how he's doing she avoids it. she told me recently she regrets her decision. but what can she do. its over and done with. i hated her for breaking our promise to each other but i felt sad for her. i wanted to lecture her, and tell her i told you so but i can see it in her eyes that she's sad. so i didn't. she's my sister and i love her so much. i don't want her to get hurt.

this is the kind of situation i don't wanna be in. i don't want to fall for a guy who doesn't believe the things i believe. that i would rationalize and sacrifice my own faith just so i can be with him. im a risk taker believe me. but doing such a thing is just something i can't afford to risk. when it comes to eternity i would rather be on the safe side than gamble and risk everything i worked hard for.

im saying this now so i will be reminded not to make decisions wherein im not willing to pay the price. my father is not a member. its all good because we got used to it. he just drives us to church. pick us up after and no conversations about him becoming a member. my father is a good man even if he doesn't believe the things  we believe. but im always wondering what if we're all members of the church. how would that feel like? would it feel good? would we be a happier family? i really don't know the answer to that yet. that's why i want to marry in the temple so i would know how it feels like to have an eternal family.

this is my note to self entry. when it involves eternity. don't risk it. others say "if its not eternal, forget it."