white days

i wasn't home for Christmas but i was there the day after Christmas.. no fast craft available on christmas day so i have no choice but to take the ferry boat at 10pm. arrived at ormoc around 3:30am. fatherdear picked me up.  was welcomed warmly by bree (our puppy whom i haven't met). like i always do everytime i get home. i turned the television on. check what's on the fridge. take whatever is edible and then back to television. everyone is still asleep. so i stayed there until i doze off at our living room. (this has become my habit everytime i come back home from cebu). had chorizo for breakfast. YUM! then father asked me if i wanna see his new fish pond. of course! so we went there.. here's a picture..

he said its the thing that keeps him busy. it was fun to see him happy with what he got. in order for us to get there we have to ride this canoe.. cool eh? ;) manoy ruben said its really deep.. we got there and my father showed me the little fishes he's trying to grow.. and the king crabs - too bad we can't see them because they only go out at night. he said i should come back during harvest time on april or may. im looking forward to it... hopefully i can come back home even for just 2 days.. i want to fill my stomach with nothing else but seafood when i get back this summer.. king crabs, lobsters, shells, scallops, squid, fish, prawns... i am missing you so bad already.

after a visit to the fish pond we hurried back home because mother would be mad if we won't be back by 7:30 coz she has to open the pharmacy at 8am. then i went out to watch my batch mates play volleyball. we won the batch league of course. :) my batch has always been the best volleyball players.. im the scorer. as always. i dont play. im afraid of balls or anything that's bouncing. because there was a time (during my elementary years) when i was hit so hard in the head by a ball that i teared up non stop. ever since then i stopped playing that game.

after the game my sister picked me up and we had lunch at my cousin's place. they prepared some grilled pork. it was so yummy. then we had karaoke.. i sang. lol.. ;) then i gave my present to my nephews. i got them Twister. i was gonna get them some walkie-talkies to match my sister's gift (water guns) but they run out of stock.

then went back to the store and learned how to use the cash register. (i dont think i remember how to use it) visited the riverside mall. younger sister looked for a white blouse. we separated. i forgot that i left my phone at the pharmacy. it took us 2 hours to run into each other. boy was i happy to see her. home by 9pm. had dinner. opened a sparkling drink. closest thing to wine for us.. a toast to a great 2011 and an even greater 2012. gave them presents. everyone was happy with what i got them. white pants for mother, cool ballet flats for younger sister (she's got a love affair with shoes), jacket for father. prepared for the alumni homecoming party. we were so late. it started at 9pm but we got there at 10:30pm. i was surprised by the turn out of the party despite the heavy rain many were able to come. we were late so they didn't ask us for the fee. :) it was a fun white party. here's a glimpse.



went home around 1:30 in the morning. dropped sheena c.(the girl beside me) at her place. just like the old times.

woke up late the next morning. by mid afternoon i went back to the city to watch over our store. attended to some customers. military men came over. bought a couple of things. tried to ask my number. didn't give it. i told them if they come back i'd give my number. (i was kidding. i know the next day i'll be off to cebu) but they still bought me and my sister ice cream. the next morning one guy came back. i hid in the ladies room. lol..

at around 8pm i attended high school reunion - black light party. any party spent with them is awesome. so yeah.. here's a video.

from left: jerlyn, pam, romalaine, keshia, inna

gale, doing my body art ;)

with yoyen and mario. she's got the best moves when she's had more than enough to drink.. lol... :)


father picked me up at 1am. went to the city to test whether if i still know how to drive or not. i drove us back home. i haven't been on the wheel for quite some time. glad i didn't forget. :)

the next day i woke up to my father's text message telling that he already got me a ticket back to cebu. i forgot to buy my ticket. im glad my father remembered coz if he didn't id be stuck in ormoc coz its peak season and its hard to get a ticket because of the holidays.. i stayed at the pharmacy all morning. bought some revel bars for workmates. by 1:15 im on the weesam waiting area. we were delayed for 15minutes. lots of passengers. arrived at cebu around 4pm.

so thats it for my quick home visit. :) i'll be seeing my hometown this summer.. im planning to see those whale sharks a.k.a. "butanding".. 

hospital bill

so it was another day a work. we all know how expensive hospitalization can get. but seeing it right in front of you just bring so much sadness in me. i was about to get some blood from a patient when i heard someone sobbing. it wasn't new. i see a lot of people cry. especially at the emergency room when they lose a loved one. but what i witnessed first hand was a wife sobbing. i asked her what's the matter. she said her husband needs to be in the ICU and they have to pay a down payment of 38 thousand + 3 thousand for the room + labs & medications. and for a below average family in the philippines that is so hard to come by. heck! even the average Filipino family would have a hard time coming up to such amount. as i was talking to her i felt really sad when i saw her grabbing her husband's hand as if wanting to calm him down (because he was making weird noises)..while sobbing and explaining to me about the hospital bill.. and that if her husband wouldn't be in ICU there's a big possibility that he could have an attack and paralyze him for life..

i have been working in the hospital for more than a year now and i never had the courage to ask patients about their hospital bills. i really don't know why but i think i don't wanna intrude or im just too scared to know that many people are having bigger  problems than mine.. i really feel so bad when im reminded how blessed i am and yet i still complain.. so this Christmas season i want to celebrate my life. im doing it alone. this is going to be my very first christmas alone. at least last year, even though i was away from home, i was invited by a nice family to have Christmas with them.. but this year... im doing it alone.. i should be thankful for all my blessings.. actually this Christmas season i think we should all be thankful for the blessings we receive everyday and stop complaining about how miserable our lives are (though sometimes we really can't help it)

i really want to have a charity of my own.. i wanna help people.. there's just too many people who needs help.. especially when it comes to money.. hospital billls...

i miss my family and i wanna be with them.. i can't be home for christmas but i'll be home on the 26th! yipee!! i wonder where ill be next Christmas... :)

that

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

-Neil Gaiman

saturday night moon

i just got back from work and i was looking at the heavens above and i admired the big, full moon... it was wonderful. for a moment i stared at it and was in awe.. and i remember my previous night..

it was saturday and my day off. agenda was just to wait for kim to come over and id do her hair and make-up for her company's party. (i did that. and it was great. she loved it. it was my first time to put make-up on someone else.) and then just stay at home all day. maybe read my blue book, and review my lesson, clean my room, write something.. browse... plan my life... but a workmate of mine was so insistent on inviting me to join her at our hospital's party at grand convention center. 12 missed calls. can't ignore that anymore so i answered.. and she was successful. i just said yes even if i don't have anything to wear. the theme was hiphop. i didn't prepare for that. so i just pulled things in my closet without thinking how i will look at the party.(refer to picture above) on our way out i saw the moon at its biggest state ever! it was huge. (like the one in bruce almighty movie) i feel like i can touch it. it was yellowish, whitish in color. i was waiting for the eclipse. we were running late. arrived at the grand convention center around 7pm. had dinner. watched the performances of the employees of cebu doc group of companies. my hospital won! :) a few days ago i was invited to join the hiphop dance competition but i declined. too bad. but im really glad they won! i didn't expect it to be fun.

i forgot all about the moon but after the CDG party i called kim and (went outside and i looked up and saw the moon was reddish. it was a rare event. so i stared at it again.)  they're not done yet w/ their party at Parklane. so i went there and crashed their party. i felt so out of place. everyone was in black and white outfit. i was wearing floral printed blouse and shoes. good thing my bag's white and so was my shorts. embarrassing. everyone stared. i redeemed myself when i took their group pictures. after that i was welcome. invited to dance. offered some food. made friends. got paired off right away to some cute guy. after that i thought i was going home. but! kim was with me. she doesn't want to end the night yet at 10:30pm. i really wanna go home and take some rest.

i said 12mn. tops. i got home around 2am. it was fun. good clean fun. except that i was home late. after Parklane we went to MO2 and danced to live music while her workmates get drunk. we don't drink but we dance! we both love to dance. :) i took a few heads up and admired the moon as the lunar eclipse was slowly coming to its end. it was great. i danced under the lunar eclipse. i enjoyed every minute of it. when i got to the taxi on my way home i was feeling light headed. and then i realized that i have been under a lot of stress for the past few weeks. and dancing it off was my way to de-stress.. :)

1st was my work schedule for this month. i was really hoping to spending the holidays back home. but my workmates were inconsiderate. idk. i didn't ask them anyway. only one girl offered. the sched for christmas and new year was drawn by lots. i was unlucky. both dec24-25 and dec31-jan1. i got off the meeting right away because i can feel my tears piling up. and when i was outside i broke down. i cried. i cried the whole time i was heading back home. everyone was looking at me. i don't care. i was just feeling so sad. last year i didn't get to spend holidays with my family. i was expecting that because i was new. but this year i really wanna go home. no one ever understood me. maybe because they all have their loved ones with them right here. they were selfish. they didn't realize that im away from home. all of them are living with their families here in cebu. i was the only transient. how can they be so inconsiderate. for a moment i was mad at them. i just miss my family so so much.

2nd was this guy who i thought was for real. i really don't wanna talk about it anymore. RARELY do i talk to someone that much. i hope when we get to talk again he'd clear things up so as not to leave me hanging. (pessimistic mode) id rather prepare my mind set for the worst than have my hopes up and then come crashing down in the end.

3rd was work issues. this was the latest by the way. its all because of one negative person who sees the wrong in everyone. i really don't have any problems with him (or with anyone for that matter) not until our department head decided to take away a privilege (to be able to pass requests each month) we really wanted so bad all because of his complaints.  and because of him i don't think id be able to go on my trips on january and february! i already have tickets! itinerary's all set. ugggghhh... really hated this one... i was really looking forward to swimming with the dolphins on january..

for now i don't think much of the 1st one anymore. 2nd and 3rd are still on my mind very often. i still have to figure out how to go about it. but anyway, im happy for this moment.  just happy and content with my life. :) i will worry about these things tomorrow. tonight i would be happy because the moon looked wonderful.

money talk

last Sunday my topic for the young women class was all about money management. i forgot to study my lesson until Amy sent me a message and reminded me that i'd be teaching that day. i had no idea what the topic was all about but i still had an hour to prepare. fortunately when i searched the internet for my topic i was relieved. it was all about money management. its something im good at. if there's one thing my mom taught me well it was all about that. she's an accountant and she knows how to manage her finances well. its something i admire about her. she basically sent us to college alone. i don't know how she did it but she did and im so grateful for that.


anyway, i just wanted to share some points in the lesson. it talks about 6 areas for a sound financial management.


1. church contributions (tithing) - leave a comment if you wanna know more.


2. debt - avoid it. live within your income. Anyone who lives beyond his income is inviting disaster. Borrowed money is not income. … Borrowing to live on is unsound, whether it be an outright loan or installment buying. 


 just a few weeks ago i wanted to get myself a new phone because there's this wonderful offer at some store. i really like the phone and you can pay it in installment with load included. it was just 350/month for 2 years. it was really good  but then when i think about it for a few more days. i decided its not for me. i might not be here for another 2 years. im planning to move back home when i finish my 2-year contract w/ the hospital. and that's october 2012. And back home the network that's offering this one is not so good coz i live in a small town and the network signal aint that good.  and besides my phone is working out well for me. i got 2 mobile phones and im not using the other one anymore. maybe when i sold them to someone then i can purchase a new one. 


3. savings - i always try to save 20% of my income even though its just a small amount.  "How blessed is he who learns to spend less than he earns and puts something away for a rainy day” you can never really tell when you needed the money.


4. self-discipline - whether early in life or late, we must all eventually learn to to discipline ourselves, our appetites, and our economic desires. “If you cannot obtain all you wish for today, learn to do without that which you cannot purchase and pay for; and bring your minds into subjection that you must and will live within your means” the key to spending less is simple - it is called discipline.


5. budgeting - No matter how much or how little we have to live on each week or month, it needs to be used wisely. We need to decide on a budget and live within it. Some claim living within a budget takes the fun out of life and is too restrictive. But those who avoid the inconvenience of a budget must suffer the pains of living outside of it. 


when i was still in college my mom would just send me an allowance for the whole month and its up to me how im gonna budget it. she said she's not gonna send me more if i ran out of cash. she's strict. and so i learned how to budget. i was wondering how my friends use their money. they receive twice the amount i get from my mom and they still needed more. sometimes they even borrow from me. what else could they be spending on? we go to the same school. we eat at the same place. and im really wondering where their money is going. i even pay my tithes even if i don't have an income. i just want to discipline myself so that by the time im earning it wouldn't be such a big deal.


6. honesty - be honest in all your financial affairs. something my father would repeat to me over and over again. he said that i should be honest in all my dealings with my fellowmen all the time.


im glad my mom taught me well regarding money management coz i don't think i'd be living independently right now if she didn't raised me to use my money wisely. most of my workmates still live with their parents. i don't. and they always ask me how i live on with such a small salary and i even get to go to places i wanted to go. i just tell 'em its all about using your resources wisely plus i was taught well with this one. ;)

im fine. mother.

so while waiting for the movie to start my mom blurted out something that ruined my day completely. i was shocked with what she told me. i was like "really? mother??!!" i mean how can she think of me like that? do i really look like one of those girls who can't get a guy??? so here's what happened. she's setting me up on a date with four guys on february next year. FOUR guys! does she really think im that desperate that she has to intervene with my love life?! i know its been almost 3 years now since i was in a relationship but being single was not my choice. the right guy is yet to come. i can wait. i mean i waited till i was 19 since i said yes to someone but it was short-lived. move on. 3 years later im still single. guess i should wait another 19 years to find another man who would be willing to be with me. oh please no.

the truth is there are guys vying for my attention but im not really interested in them because i know what i want. i date men because its either i don't want him to feel bad about himself or out of favor from friends. when i like someone i tend to shut him down at first but if he persists then voila! im all yours. yeah. thats me. when you have me, you have me completely when you don't then im really not yours. i don't play games. im not good at it. i try to make things as real as they can be. someone told me im hard to crack. true. i get that a lot. but once im cracked i'll make sure you will enjoy every second with me. trust me. ;)

right guy come find me soon. i don't want my mother getting into my love life. its really embarrassing.

so here's a letter i had since i was in high school.

To the boy im going to marry someday:

i don't even know your name or where you live or anything about you, but i know you're growing up some place the same as me. do you even get discouraged? i do. i have friends at school but nobody i can really talk to about what im thinking because none of them believe the same  way. i just want you to know im trying to live the way i should. im doing okay so far, but its not easy sometimes. all my friends are drinking now, so there's not much i can do with them anymore on the weekends. i run along a bike path when i need to think. i really wish we could spend some time together now.

i'll be glad when i finally get to meet you. i want to live so i never do anything that i'd be ashamed to tell you about.

there are a lot of things i need to do now to prepare for the future. right now the biggest thing is to study real hard and finish high school. and after that i need to try to figure out what i want to do for a living.

i've been thinking about you lately and about when we get married. sometimes its hard not to think about the things that go with marriage. but i guess i can stand holding off until you're my husband. my bishop says its worth waiting to make it the way God wants it to be.

guess what. i love you even if i don't know your name or where you live.

                                                                                                          love, your future wife,
                                                                                                             Kristelle

p.s.
im already 23 now and working at some hospital. waiting for you to come along... i will update this every once in a while. coz i got no one to talk to right now..