so while waiting for the movie to start my mom blurted out something that ruined my day completely. i was shocked with what she told me. i was like "really? mother??!!" i mean how can she think of me like that? do i really look like one of those girls who can't get a guy??? so here's what happened. she's setting me up on a date with four guys on february next year. FOUR guys! does she really think im that desperate that she has to intervene with my love life?! i know its been almost 3 years now since i was in a relationship but being single was not my choice. the right guy is yet to come. i can wait. i mean i waited till i was 19 since i said yes to someone but it was short-lived. move on. 3 years later im still single. guess i should wait another 19 years to find another man who would be willing to be with me. oh please no.
the truth is there are guys vying for my attention but im not really interested in them because i know what i want. i date men because its either i don't want him to feel bad about himself or out of favor from friends. when i like someone i tend to shut him down at first but if he persists then voila! im all yours. yeah. thats me. when you have me, you have me completely when you don't then im really not yours. i don't play games. im not good at it. i try to make things as real as they can be. someone told me im hard to crack. true. i get that a lot. but once im cracked i'll make sure you will enjoy every second with me. trust me. ;)
right guy come find me soon. i don't want my mother getting into my love life. its really embarrassing.
so here's a letter i had since i was in high school.
To the boy im going to marry someday:
i don't even know your name or where you live or anything about you, but i know you're growing up some place the same as me. do you even get discouraged? i do. i have friends at school but nobody i can really talk to about what im thinking because none of them believe the same way. i just want you to know im trying to live the way i should. im doing okay so far, but its not easy sometimes. all my friends are drinking now, so there's not much i can do with them anymore on the weekends. i run along a bike path when i need to think. i really wish we could spend some time together now.
i'll be glad when i finally get to meet you. i want to live so i never do anything that i'd be ashamed to tell you about.
there are a lot of things i need to do now to prepare for the future. right now the biggest thing is to study real hard and finish high school. and after that i need to try to figure out what i want to do for a living.
i've been thinking about you lately and about when we get married. sometimes its hard not to think about the things that go with marriage. but i guess i can stand holding off until you're my husband. my bishop says its worth waiting to make it the way God wants it to be.
guess what. i love you even if i don't know your name or where you live.
love, your future wife,
Kristelle
p.s.
im already 23 now and working at some hospital. waiting for you to come along... i will update this every once in a while. coz i got no one to talk to right now..
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