I am still doing the island living. It has been a great journey here. I think I will just finish this until i get to work exactly 2 years (May 12) I have learned a lot here! a LOT!
I haven't had the time to write anything in this blog for 2015. i really love to write despite of me not having a talent for writing. This is more of an emotional outlet than a blog to be read by others. Nevertheless i don't mind if strangers get to read my sometimes nonsense posts.
I have completely changed here (career wise). I became a workaholic. For someone like me, who wants to always have a vacation, that is a big change. I put my heart and soul in my job and i forgot about everything else. Notice how i don't have a single entry for 2015. Now that i can sort of kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel I tend to take photos of the memories i want to keep. I have been taking pictures of my Island family. I'm not sure though where I will be headed next, if Canada is still a no-show, I will go and check for some new job. Probably in a city that is not too crowded.
I have been greatly blessed. My family has grown and I LOVE each and every single one of them. (insert family photo here)
I am going to turn 28 this year! How time flies. Sometimes i still feel like a college girl trying to take in everything independence has to offer. Today i was at church. It has been a long time since i went to church. I have been trying to understand a good friend of mine why he chose to leave the church. I made a little experiment of mine and voluntarily decided to not go to church for about a year or so. I probably visited the church maybe twice/thrice for 2015. I didn't feel a thing but every time I'm at church I think of my friend. I didn't ask too many questions as to why he made that decision, I always think that he is wise enough to figure everything out by himself.
Today I decided to go to church again. This time its different. I felt something. I felt something i miss so bad. The feeling of being at peace. I didn't mind the members who are strangers to me. I was there for myself. I listened to the speakers, attended Single Adult class and Relief Society class. I didn't care about the faults of the members around me and their weaknesses. I'm not there for them, again I was there for myself. For a long time I sat at a corner taking everything in. And slowly i smiled to myself. I'm happy here. The lessons and values taught at church is something I still accept. And to have a god who gives great value on families, teaches about being good and mindful of the needs of others, and to stand up to a society who have greatly become too full of themselves, that is a god id like to follow. even if i get labeled as old-fashioned, have some restrictions (i haven't really felt being restricted) or being ridiculed simply because i don't give in to what society has set as a norm.
I still hope and pray that my good friend will find his way back, I can't do it for him. I hope he has not yet completely forgotten all the things he has learned while he was at church. There's a whole world out there full of wickedness and the church has always been my refuge. I just wish that he will end up HAPPY and successful of whatever path he chooses. A soul like his will be a great loss. I hope not.
Ginugulo pa rin ng konsensya
Ang nararamdaman ko’y kakaiba
Hindi ko lubos mapagtanto
Na nagawa ko ang mga ito
Nasaktan kita, alam ko
Nasaktan ko siya, sigurado
Dumugo ang puso mo
Dahil sa kalokohang ito
Hindi ko sinasadya, malamang
Nagmukha akong timang
Nagalit ka pa din
Tumakbo ako ng matulin
Patawad, patawad kaibigan
Sa pagkakamaling nasilayan
Ako’y tao lamang
Kasamaa’y may puwang
Malamang ay hindi mo na iniisip
Pero binubulabog ako sa aking panaginip
Hindi ako mabuhay ng maayos
Dahil may kasalanan ako sayo’t sa Diyos
Nawa’y maintindihan mo lahat
Na ito man ay hindi sapat
Malaki akong hangal
Kaya’y handa akong sumugal
Patawad sa’yo kaibigan
Pati sa aking mga nasaktan
Alam kong hindi talaga tama
Wag kang mag-alala, ako’y lumuluha
With this poem entitled "Patawad" I felt like he is talking to me eight years in advance. sniff...
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