Broken - the 2nd time around :'(

It has been two years since i last posted something here. I am now 30 years old and I still have no idea where I'm going with my life. In case you don't know, I only write something up in here when I'm extremely sad or happy or bored. This time it's because I just don't know where to go from here. I am now in Canada trying to become a nurse. This isn't really what I imagined to be doing at this age but life is always very surprising. I felt like I have been forgotten by time. Everyone is moving forward and here I am stuck. I thought I have goals but it feels like they're very far from me right now. I have come to terms to start from scratch here in Montreal and build up my life.

The second reason I'm writing is because I am broken-hearted. It took me awhile to actually accept that fact because I unknowingly fell for a guy I never thought I would even like. He is originally from Trinidad and Tobago with dark skin. It's funny how it all started because I was actually with someone else when he came around. It broke him finding out that I was in a secret relationship with his friend. Anyway, even after finding out about us he didn't stop. Instead he worked harder to be with me. I find it really annoying because I see him just as a friend. After a couple months we got close but I still was not into him at all. He's not someone my mom would like and I don't see myself with him either. And then he got into some real bad problems, I really wanna get away from him but I couldn't bear leaving someone at their lowest of low. So I stuck around and somewhere in those dark moments, I appreciate at how much I was willing to sacrifice for this guy I never really liked. 

Most people will like someone at their best, I fell for this guy at his worst. I saw how much he struggled, how hard he worked and how little sleep he gets to get out of the rut he was in. And he finally came through. Stronger I should say and is more humble. I quit my job months ago to learn the French language and that kept us apart. I was relieved that I don't have to be with him all the time and in my absence I didn't know that he started liking some other girl. Finding about it was the hardest to swallow. I know even before that I already have a soft spot for him but kept it all to myself as I was afraid to like someone I never planned on being in a relationship with. 

Fast forward to today, we decided to leave our separate ways. I confronted him about the girl and I can feel it in my gut that he is not telling the whole truth. I am disappointed because I have kept my guard up for 10 years as I don't want to go through a heartache again the way I did before and here I am broken the 2nd time. I RARELY open up to anyone and he actually managed to break that barrier and once that happened I am vulnerable. I don't think I will trust anyone again at this point. Tears won't stop falling. Every night I have to sleep with wet eyes. Sometimes I don't even get to sleep, I just wonder how I allowed this to happen to me again.